A 2013 thought: Voices Lead You Nowhere

Desert in Sharjah

I’m lost. I don’t know where I stand with myself and I have no one to guide me — not that I ever thought I will

but it still hurts to be neglected by those who should care for you the most. It’s all too much. The negativity is suffocating me.

These people I surround myself with are not human. They cannot be. They’re cold. They’re so damn cold to touch. But not me. I let blood flow through me. I let the warmth fill every inch of my body. I let it become a part of me. I bring myself to life.

That’s where I went wrong.

I should’ve known better. I should’ve become inhumane or at least detached. I should’ve let go of my heart when I had the chance but I didn’t and now all I feel is pain pain pain, everything hurts hurts hurts and I’m surrounded by evil evil evil.

I want it all to go away — the pain, the loneliness, the people. I want to feel the warmth embracing me from every corner of this room. I want to feel at ease. I want to have a home — a family.

I’m so desperate. I’m so so so desperate to feel loved

— to be treated like a human with a heart, veins, two brown eyes and lips that barely speak.

I forgot. I was raised by monsters that live under my bed and creep around as shadows. They scare me. They scare me. They scare me. They scare me so so so much, I can hardly tell if I’m alive.

 

Love, Alyazya


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