There’s a comfort in confinement that I can’t find here. The clock is ticking and my heart is beating slow. I can’t fathom the pain of its slow beats.
I’m failing to focus as my mind blurs out the voices. I’m always trying to catch up with sounds I can’t make sense of. I’m always trying to catch up with my mind knowing I’ll fail.
My voice is weary; still, it calls out my name. “Alyazya, don’t you go. Please just stay.” I haven’t held back so much before. I don’t know where I got this strength from. This strength is making me weak. All I do is go on and off of planes I don’t want to take. All they do is numb my mind, numb my heart, and make it a little harder for me to feel alive. I just want to feel alive.
Thoughts are irrelevant, emotions are a despair and living is a waste but you can’t leave a place you’ve never been to.