Okay with being alone?

I do not recall the last time I was with someone, yet I do not remember the last time I was alone. All I know is that I can tolerate loneliness as long as people surround me.

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University City

For some time, I thought it stemmed from the fear of actually being alone but I’ve come to realize that I fear nothing but myself.

No, this is not a positive message lavished with self-love. What I mean to say is that I’m afraid of being alone with myself, with my own feelings and thoughts because maybe, just maybe, I will succumb to my need to face who I am.

I’m more in touch with my values and purpose when I’m alone, yet I still feel out of place. I find myself getting caught up in fairy-tales, but every day, for just a minute, I become a rationalist. It’s like I’m a stray dog sitting still on a clear path towards my home.

For me, moving forward requires solitude but how do I do that when I feel lonely all the time? My constant craving for human touch and my need to escape myself overpowers me.

I tame words that beg to be flushed out of my body.
I hold tears that plead to be let go of.
All, because, I am afraid of being alone.

 

Love,  Alyazya


29 thoughts on “Okay with being alone?

  1. Reading this article made me feel like I’m speaking for myself. Most people are afraid to be left out alone by the people who mean so much to them and afraid to keep living knowing that nobody else would be there constantly or we just don’t feel the connection with people. We crave for a bond with humans but they fail to deliver most of the times. It’s like you’re completely fine being all by yourself but there still exist a thought that maybe there’s something else other than being alone, that maybe something or someone can provide you with the answers you’ve been seeking for a long time and the feelings that may fill a void within your mind and perhaps to your sanity at a whole that you couldn’t describe at all for being profoundly vague.

    It’s a good read by the way. Thank you.

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  2. I enjoy my alone time. It’s precious to me and I embrace it. I get to read, write, think, exercise, paint (try) and connect quietly with my soul. I look forward to what I might discover within myself. Uplifting to me; but I must admit it took some getting use to at first. Now, I’m like bye, see ya later. Yay, I’m alone again…

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  3. Your message is universal – loneliness is a real fear. Illness forced me into isolation, and solitude became my norm. I found that once I got through the initial discomfort, I came to enjoy my quiet, alone time – and discovered parts of myself long buried.

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  4. A hauntingly beautiful post. Fear of being alone is something that’s kind of universal but the fear of being alone with yourself is not something I’ve really ever thought about. Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely offers a new perspective to people. Great work!

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  5. What a powerful write up. When we are alone our mind is on overdrive, for it is talking to self. And the values, the perturbations, and conscience all becomes a deadly potion. You are not alone thinking this

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  6. I learnt to enjoy my time alone by doing the things that I love to do. Being alone means I can go by my own pace doing what I want to do without dragging or slowing down others. I am also able to learn more about myself when I spend more me time.

    Because I’m able to have my alone time, I can completely enjoy and appreciate the times I spend with other people. My alone time also taught me how to care for myself, which has also helped me to care after other people when I spend time with them.

    I hope that you’ll be able to enjoy your time alone too. 🙂

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