A letter to you

Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset
Louvre Abu Dhabi

I wish I had it in me to let you know
that all of this is just for show.
Don’t believe the things I say
’cause I walk between the cracks on the floor
to avoid lying while holding the truth.

Your arms imprison me. I never want to escape your embrace.
Your warmth is comforting. You hold me close, but my mind pulls me into another world.
My heart didn’t want to follow, but it drowned in my thoughts. Now, it’s completely soaked.

Will you get bored with me?
Are you thinking of letting go?

These thoughts haunt me. This is why I always lose.

I want to feel you as you hold me, but I’m afraid
so I touch you with numb hands
and kiss you with cold lips.

Would you forgive me for pretending to let you in?
Would you let me try to get close to you again?
May I admire your silhouette and sweet smiles?
May I close my eyes and pretend you are mine?

Can I tell you a secret? Will you keep it safe?
I’m afraid of loving. A broken heart could cost me my life.
I say I’m alright, but I don’t recognize my voice in the crowds.
Have I been lying to myself? Is this what betrayal feels like?

Gosh…
You are pretty in my thoughts, pretty when you visit my dreams.
You are a pretty thought, even if you’re not for me.
Would you forgive me if I told you I was scared?
Would you think I’m a freak, or would you understand my fears?

You know, I always thought sad beginnings can never have happy endings.
Either way, I’m sorry you had to meet me this way.

 

Love, Alyazya


38 thoughts on “A letter to you

  1. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:

    Before I even read anything, the name “Alyazya” was enough to attract my attention to these awesome-beyond words that feel like such a genuine and true expression of a lost love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome 🙂 Right in the heat of the moment (loving), whatever we do comes natural to us. Sometimes we ourselves don’t know who we actually are until we interact with another human via love. None of those “what ifs” or “could’ve beens” matter long after the love is lost. Because, according to my philosophy, a love that is lost, was never a two-way love to begin with. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sometimes, it’s goes both ways but it gets lost because we let it slip away. Our fears, traumas, and pride come in the way. Humans are far too complicated. Some of sabotage our relationships and burn our loved ones down.

      Like

  2. it seems that you consider yourself as someone who’s difficult to love. it won’t be a problem, if the one beside you, is patient enough to understand and go to any lengths, to be able to be with you. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, kindly, Alyazya. I’m well over it, now. It was another take on the “confusion of love.” To want something, get it, then realize you don’t want it or that person. How did you resolve your relational dilemma, conflict?

      Like

  3. I am afraid of the cause of losing this someone. The most lonely person in the world is the one afraid to lose. Because she’s afraid to take chances. I know this because I’ve been there. I was scared to let them in my heart, afraid of a heartbreak. It doesn’t end well. You gave to take chances and still stay strong.

    Like

    1. Don’t be! What’s the worse than can happen? We all get hurt, rejected, whatever… at the end of the day, we’re still alive. It’s not the end of our lives.

      Please don’t overthink 😭 Fear ruins beautiful things

      Liked by 1 person

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