What is this overwhelming heaviness on my chest? Why won’t my mind lay to rest?

Dubai, JLT

Seconds are often too long. People talk, but I’m all alone. Why does everything feel so wrong?
Am I a passerby? Do I have a place in this world?

I clasp my hands and try to feel the breeze. I’m in pain, but I’m still here. 
What do I do when I am so weak? What am I holding on for?

Everything here feels irregular, and most of the time, I’m an outsider.
But, this heaviness has grown familiar; it’s the closest thing I have to home.

People still talk, but I don’t want to be here. And, sometimes I scream, but I don’t want to be heard.
I reach out, but I’m only half there.

I try to move, but the air pushes me down, so I wait for time to pass me by.

I know something is not right and it’s all clear to me now.
My thoughts are killing me ‘cause it’s all clear to me now.

Love, Alyazya

13 thoughts on “Disorientated

  1. He who does not know loneliness is still in the infancy of the world, there where the eons await their birth. he remains closed to it, to this tired time that survives itself…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This a painful yet honest poem. I hope you are okay. I think current events have all of us rethinking–everything. I have already lost two online friends in the past couple of years, I would hat to lose you for any reason. Being blind, as I am, I often have moments, even now after a recent physical, I have to go back to a cancer clinic to have, hopefully, another round of blood treatments, that might never end and yet I am still glad to have today. I’ve learned that everyday is a gift. I think you’re a wonderful writer and I believe you are probably stronger than you know. The pathway to ones heart is always through their smile. And so we simply have to keep smiling no matter how awful it gets. We are never as alone as we seem to be. 💙

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Charles,

      I hope reading it didn’t bring you down. It’s not meant to be a poem, just a diary-like entry.

      Yeah, a lot of people have been forced to face themselves during these times.

      I hope that one day you beat cancer, and get healthier. It’s amazing to see how optimistic you are. Everyday is indeed a gift.

      Thank you for reading my writing! I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful day.

      Liked by 2 people

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